Saturday, October 5, 2013

I Am So Quiet


I am so quiet that
when I was born my parents
thought I was a shoe
and let me grow old in their closet.
I am so quiet that school bullies
see a chair where I sit
and don’t even tease me.
I am so quiet that
when I am screaming Mrs. Mancuso
shuts the window, thinking
Boy, it’s windy out today. I am so quiet that
when I sang at the talent show
they thought someone was testing the mics
and that the mics were not working.
I am so quiet that
I get scared at night if I hear myself
breathing. I am so quiet
that I wonder sometimes if my body hitting
the ground would make the same sound
as anyone else’s.

I Grew Up


I grew up needing something in my hands
and in my mouth at all times, some textured
thing to contemplate, to savor like a smooth stone
in rip-tide rushing water. I grew up
overwhelmed. I grew up
unaware of all my growing, not sure
where my inches and bones had each sprung from
or any of my fears. I grew up alone. I grew up
among women who laugh loudly and hang their bras
in the backyward. I grew up watching strangers

like myself. I grew up envying flies,
their wings, anonymity, short lives. I grew up
in confusion. I grew up loved and
unloved, as everyone does. I grew up needing
something to hold at all times. I grew up sucking
my fingers. I grew up
wanting. And now I am all grown up and
wanting. 

How Is It


How is it I could draw the strength to fight
on, like a sleek sword from its scabbard (or in stone)

from peachpale light dissolving into cloud?
The spine of me stiffens, and the slack jaw steels,

forced to face the beauty of the King who tells me
Go. With a hand in my hand.

We Are Not


We are not committed to each other, there’s no ring
around the fingers of our hearts, no paper
promise or key copies for the same door’s lock.
Why is stating this a shock? Why should my bones rebel?
How can I shudder at a fact when Truth and I
have long been friends? I ask the the Light to shut his mouth;
he looks at me with wounded eyes. These days I have made enemies
of Time and Space and Reason, everything
that threatens to come somehow
between us. But they stand at the door
and knock. 

Monday, September 2, 2013

I Miss You In the Bones


I miss you in the bones of me

laboriously
like

a word I can't remember
dry wells dug by axons
I think

I must have taken you in
through an eye unshut

you disappear
into skull's electric sea 

leviathan as massive
as unreal

and I an old man chasing
one white fish
days
nights
weeks
without moving

an inch

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

I Looked Down at the Pair of Doves in My Hands

Murder is mercy when you hold it dripping up
to a moon waning forever, slipping from half-life
to half-life, the slits of its small eyes smaller
and smaller as it lays in its own dry ageless dust.
Don’t flee the blistering sun! What brightest bliss
to behold, the body of a man spent in flames, burning
toward the center of his world’s world’s center.

Is


I am one of the few
fortunate who
take comfort in is
            not
            could
because my heart
is a snakeden my mind
a thief’s temple
            but
            let
every man prove himself
a liar if God
is true I don’t
            much
            mind.


What Woman Was


I didn’t know what woman was
not having met a man before.
As a child I lingered in the eyes
of man and wife divided
in themselves, looking
lovingly with shattered irises
like colored glass mosaics picked
piece by piece apart and rearranged
by a cruel child’s hand, and beautiful,
as broken bottles on a beach
rubbed smooth and meaningless
are beautiful. I saw woman
with kaleidoscopic eyes,
the pieces of her churning
madly. When I felt her
she was leaking, and no man’s hands
were broad enough to stop the gaps,
no, let alone a child’s. So I
assumed, as any body
sunk in sands of mystery must,
that I should close my eyes
and focus all on keeping them
unscratched. I didn’t know.
Not having met a man before,
I didn’t know.